Sometimes, I feel as if I can take over the world!
Other times I just want to dig a hole and hide from it,
I’ll occasionally talk to everyone and befriend anyone around
but it’s only fraudulent, because I know I don’t fit.
I have always felt sorta strange like I’m not from here,
being around people tends to make me uncomfortable,
when trying to relate and get along with my peers,
I tend to overtalk with babble, which makes me vulnerable.
Anxiety starts to trickle in starting in my fingertips and toes
all of this is internal so you wouldn’t even know,
then the shaking and the sweating come like a whirlwind,
now you notice something is wrong as it begins to show.
I am not really eager to talk about this with anyone,
these feelings come and go as they flip-flop rapidly,
in a single instance, I can appear well put together
then in the drop of a hat, I will begin to act irrationally.
I struggle most days to make my way out the front door
and the untrained will tell me I’m just having a bad day,
you don’t know what it’s like for me as I start to panic,
being back home is where I feel most comfortable and gay.
© 2018 Joseph Emerson @ WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com
No reason to feel like an outcast. People will see you for you, if they’re worth your company. Hang in there. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s that social/general anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder that tends to win at times before I can catch what’s going on.. most the time it’s too late. My girlfriend is really good about helping me realize what I am doing and to snap out of my funk. It it wasn’t for that I would never leave the house. It’s so strange. Meds help.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s not strange at all. Anxiety can be very crippling, especially if we don’t realize what is happening to us. I’m glad you have someone who understands. Also, meds help, but make sure you’re taking the right dosage. Too much or too little, can cause the same issues.
LikeLike
Very true. They said that it could take me years to figure it out… I was like, Uhhhhhhh what?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ack! find a new doctor!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m pretty ok right now. A 100x better than this time last year. He meant if I have bad side effects or if we would need to add a mood altering/enhancement. I have no idea. I also have 2 therapists that work together.
There’s a team working on this lol JK (wait no I’m not) It seems crazy when I say it out loud. I see one of them tomorrow and the other on wednesday.. all set haha
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad to hear you’re doing ok. When you’re not sure what’s going on, hit the keys and type it out, then share it. You’ll be surprised how many of us out there totally get you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Thank you. I will for sure. ✌🏼
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s nothing wrong with being different; that’s what makes YOU unique!❤ Love you! Love the skin you’re in & own who are. Don’t worry about judgemental people. They don’t have a Heaven or Hell to put you in! Stay kind, committed to love & free in your authenticity babe😘😉
LikeLiked by 3 people
Awe thank you so much. You’re too sweet. 🤗 Thank you for reading and your beautiful words 😉
LikeLike
You’re welcome!💕 the more you learn love you, the more comfortable you’ll feel anywhere you go.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I totally agree. that’s what makes you ‘the unique YOU’
LikeLiked by 2 people
Beautifully written Joseph, a piece like this is a gift to us all. The wounds unseen are often the more painful and harder to heal, glad you’re doing ok . Poets feel more and see where others only look, it can be a tough gig, but isn’t it glorious when you open a door and the words, thoughts and images tumble out ! Keep opening doors friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Very true, more and more it seems people only glance. Nobody has time to dig deep anymore.
Thank you so much for reading. 🤗
🎩
LikeLike
The day you will accept you are unique and start feeling happy about it (i take it to the level of pride at times 😉) your life will change for good.
Old me used to think i am wrong..
New me says i am just me..and i m good at being me. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awesome way to see it. Thank you so much. 👍 I appreciate the encouragement and motivational speech. I’m gonna start my day on this note.
🎩
LikeLiked by 1 person
ahah why the hell I am not a therapist..🤓
all the best! 🙃
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha never tooate for a career change.
LikeLiked by 1 person
thats actually very risky..in the middle of a therapy I might ask the patient…”wait!! how about we switch places??”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right? I feel bad for my therapist sometimes. Poor guy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
ahaha I dont go to any.. only I know the consequences..
yesterday I saw a guy Johny on wordpress..I asked my friend if I can go and write on his comment “bravo” ..she was literally begging me not to 🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha too funny.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know..😆
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is very brave of you to write your heart out and channel out every thought in a beautiful expression like this . All I want to say is more power to you for presenting your idiosyncrasy ! Stay blessed 😇☺️🌸
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. It’s all about honesty , that helps people. 🤗
🎩
LikeLiked by 1 person
Absolutely 🙂 and this honesty will take you a long way !🤩 Appreciation from Pakistan !
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really like your content and I’ve nominated you for an award :))
https://annathefangirl.wordpress.com/2018/03/27/versatile-blogger-award-2/
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aw thank you so much. That’s so sweet. 🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome :))
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very nice text and the title can put someone immediately in your position and live what you are describing to live and feel everyday
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, I purposely made the title and ending as a shocker. Almost to fake people out, Like “what the hell? is he coming out?” lol no, I’m happily in a long-term relationship with a female who I live with and don’t plan on leaving ever. Glad you like this! Thank you so much for reading. 🎩
LikeLiked by 1 person
Please check out my posts
LikeLiked by 3 people
It’s indeed a wonderful blog. Thanks alot brother
LikeLiked by 1 person
👍
LikeLike
Good…. Please visit my blog
LikeLiked by 2 people
well put
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thought you were going in a very different direction with the title but I enjoyed where it went. I do understand what you mean even though I’m always quite gay lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha yeah I figured the title would grab some attention from the curious minds. Thanks for reading. 👍
LikeLike