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Category Archives: Mental Health

This song is shit

Busted

Broken,

Shattered

Damaged…

Call it what you want to,

It all becomes so easily unmanaged.

 

The strength and courage is slain

validating the damage that cannot be undone,

pummeled like an orchid in a torrent rain

or bent out of shape, a vinyl record left in the sun.

 

You can certainly attempt to forgive

but in no way, will or can you forget,

all in all for as long as you may live

forever twisted like a radio-eaten cassette.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Am I am… is I am?

££££-CHANTELLE HOUGHTON

Here we go with the same old shit

DamnIT, I thought I was done with it,

Tired again, and yet looking for more

From where or for what? I am not sure.

Once again my ideas are cloudy and shaded

my love of everything has somewhat faded,

This manic thinking draws out the stress

there’s no worse feeling than that, of a total mess.

Just when you think everything is all in its place

that neat package of bullshit blows up in your face.

I underestimate how manipulative and strikingly strong

why bother fighting? Much easier to just play along,

The more I try to control those big voices inside

the more they resist, defy and begin to collide.

A complete waste of time, is building a defense

made up of lies and a cocktail of antidepressants,

As much as I attempt to change who I am,

I am reminded that I am, who I am, and that’s all I am really am…. huh?

 

 

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Hey Doc, Help?

insomnia-treatment_880x

One med

Two med

Red med

Blue med

Now I need

another

just to help me

get to bed.

“Doc, I feel like someone else”

“Well then take one of these.

Just make sure to leave your co-pay

with the receptionist, before you leave.”

Up all night, wondering what to say

I cannot get to sleep and I’m tired all day.

One med

Two med

Red med

Blue med

Now I need

another

just to help me

get to bed.

“Hey Doc! I can’t sleep!”

“Well than take one of these.

Remember to stop by the front desk

so I can make payroll Please”

Have to get up, and go to work today,

couldn’t fall sleep if I stayed home anyway.

One med

Two med

Red med

Blue med

Now I need

another

just to help me

get to bed.

“Yo DOC!!!

F@#K YOU bro!”

 
 

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Satan called me spineless

devil-1008391

Hypnotized by the alluring midnight black flowing hair

mimicking the curtains blowing in the ocean’s breath,

I’ve never had such a beautiful image of Satan

as I do right now, as I compose the symphony of my death.

I’m not someone who fancies the ideologies of satanism,

though he is who lurks when I am looking for a friend,

why wouldn’t you want to talk to someone with expertise

in constructing a scene as melodramatic as your end?

It’s not like I have a poor sense of direction or imagination,

it’s just that I get so fixated on the methods that I do NOT like,

for instance, stoning or drowning in a pool filled with sharks,

not fond of guns, asphyxiation or stabbing with a spike.

I tend to obsess over the things that I don’t want to happen

instead of making happen the dreams that I wish,

I’d just hate to have to come to grips with growing soft inside

I wouldn’t want to be remembered as a spineless jellyfish.

 

 

 

© 2018 Joseph Emerson @ WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
 

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if any worsening of symptoms

images

The bright white round one is to lift me up,

plus an off-white oblong one to help calm me down.

It may seem a little illogical and unreasonable,

also, I can’t promise you, they’ll keep away the frown.

You may say that it seems rather counterintuitive

like taking out a loan to pay off an equal debt,

or purchasing a million dollars in lottery tickets to,

win a million dollars? seemingly the worlds stupidest bet.

But the thing is, I have been feeling much better

since I have been traveling along this new path,

It beats the hell out of the alternative side of me

when the anxiety and depression are on a warpath.

I don’t like being torn down, limb by limb like a tree

that’s vulnerable to a logger wielding his chainsaw,

or being trapped by my dark isolating depression

like a frozen duck stuck in the ice just waiting to thaw.

I’ve tried to do this the “natural way” but to no avail

as the craziness inside increased and grew much stronger,

So I may not be completely against feeling a bit dazed

if it means that I won’t feel that profound pain any longer.

 

 

© 2018 Joseph Emerson @ WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
 

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home is where i am gay

types-of-teens-3

Sometimes, I feel as if I can take over the world!

Other times I just want to dig a hole and hide from it,

I’ll occasionally talk to everyone and befriend anyone around

but it’s only fraudulent, because I know I don’t fit.

I have always felt sorta strange like I’m not from here,

being around people tends to make me uncomfortable,

when trying to relate and get along with my peers,

I tend to overtalk with babble, which makes me vulnerable.

Anxiety starts to trickle in starting in my fingertips and toes

all of this is internal so you wouldn’t even know,

then the shaking and the sweating come like a whirlwind,

now you notice something is wrong as it begins to show.

I am not really eager to talk about this with anyone,

these feelings come and go as they flip-flop rapidly,

in a single instance, I can appear well put together

then in the drop of a hat, I will begin to act irrationally.

I struggle most days to make my way out the front door

and the untrained will tell me I’m just having a bad day,

you don’t know what it’s like for me as I start to panic,

being back home is where I feel most comfortable and gay.

© 2018 Joseph Emerson @ WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

28me79y

 
 

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Rooms 12 and 13

Straight black hair with uneven self-cut bangs

large red-rimmed glasses too big for your face,

red lipstick a shade lighter, painted high on your lip

dark pink scars on your wrist, elegantly wrapped in lace.

Visible circles around your eyes show signs of stress

many nights you stay up crying, hardly ever sleep,

desperately praying for it to all be over, in exchange

the lord may take away and have your soul to keep.

Is it a cry for help because of your failure to succeed?

Or are you just trying it on, to see if it fits you well?

I personally understand as I have been there before,

after anonymously giving a false name at a roadside motel.

I laid in a tub, knife in hand unknowing of these feelings,

in the adjacent room you sit crying, I now wish I knew,

I could have invited you over to have a drink with me,

together we could have helped the other, follow through.

Drowning02

 

 

© 2018 Joseph Emerson @ WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 

 

 
 

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