Busted
Broken,
Shattered
Damaged…
Call it what you want to,
It all becomes so easily unmanaged.
The strength and courage is slain
validating the damage that cannot be undone,
pummeled like an orchid in a torrent rain
or bent out of shape, a vinyl record left in the sun.
You can certainly attempt to forgive
but in no way, will or can you forget,
all in all for as long as you may live
forever twisted like a radio-eaten cassette.
Here we go with the same old shit
DamnIT, I thought I was done with it,
Tired again, and yet looking for more
From where or for what? I am not sure.
Once again my ideas are cloudy and shaded
my love of everything has somewhat faded,
This manic thinking draws out the stress
there’s no worse feeling than that, of a total mess.
Just when you think everything is all in its place
that neat package of bullshit blows up in your face.
I underestimate how manipulative and strikingly strong
why bother fighting? Much easier to just play along,
The more I try to control those big voices inside
the more they resist, defy and begin to collide.
A complete waste of time, is building a defense
made up of lies and a cocktail of antidepressants,
As much as I attempt to change who I am,
I am reminded that I am, who I am, and that’s all I am really am…. huh?
Hey! Pour me another my good man
this time make sure that it’s neat,
the first was watered down by ice
I love to taste the fermented wheat.
If you didn’t know what I meant,
then ask, or look it up on your phone,
I don’t need this bullshit aggravation
I would’ve stayed, and drank at home!
This is why I chose to not drink anymore,
because this was exactly how I would act,
I would find trouble in strangest of places,
my emotions had never really stayed intact.
Before I could comprehend the situation
I’d be laughing as I was brought to my knees,
I had the cops called for terroristic threats,
waiting for half price appetizers at an Applebees.
The worst part of all these stupid stories
is that, they are all embarrassingly true,
years had passed before I threw in the towel,
after failing, while searching, for what I should do.
I don’t really like to say that I have quit,
I just call it, a “necessary lifestyle change”.
I am not gonna lie, a lot of the time it was fun,
so by no means do I feel, I was ever shortchanged.
You must lie in the bed, that you have made?
Maybe that’s why I always slept on the couch.
Made it easier to go, as I had never stayed,
ask any of my Ex’s and they’ll bitterly vouch.
There was never a need, to even kick off my boots,
before the sun could rise, I was out the back door.
Never gave enough time to plant my own roots,
treated love as a dried up flower, I never cared for.
The more they would hold on, to a precious moment,
the harder I would work, to erase it completely.
Beating you down like an unworthy opponent,
after tears run dry, you’ll wish you didn’t meet me.
As cliche’ as it is, the saying goes, “too little, too late”
It doesn’t even matter that I am different now.
It just wasn’t meant to be, thank goodness for fate,
in a way, I helped you, if you can believe that somehow.
As we all take the bad, which outweighs the good,
no matter how good the good was, it is completely forgotten.
I can repaint the trash, even convert to the priesthood,
in the end, the truth is, this boy was downright rotten.
One med
Two med
Red med
Blue med
Now I need
another
just to help me
get to bed.
“Doc, I feel like someone else”
“Well then take one of these.
Just make sure to leave your co-pay
with the receptionist, before you leave.”
Up all night, wondering what to say
I cannot get to sleep and I’m tired all day.
One med
Two med
Red med
Blue med
Now I need
another
just to help me
get to bed.
“Hey Doc! I can’t sleep!”
“Well than take one of these.
Remember to stop by the front desk
so I can make payroll Please”
Have to get up, and go to work today,
couldn’t fall sleep if I stayed home anyway.
One med
Two med
Red med
Blue med
Now I need
another
just to help me
get to bed.
“Yo DOC!!!
F@#K YOU bro!”
Brush to the oil paint,
color to the canvas
gracefully and magically
making emptiness vanish.
The visions in the mind
manufacturing begins,
regurgitation of essence
spewing out from within.
The undoubted magic
materializes a bit later,
transformation of imagination
like an artistic translator.
The passion and ability
to make brilliance emerge,
from the mind to the hand
I am a conduit for the surge.
To try an explain what I see
I wouldn’t have the first clue,
It’s easier to piece it together
and then just show it to you.
Well I struck out big time
called a swing and a miss,
I read that play all wrong,
she didn’t want that kiss.
Asked God to give me a sign
some advice on this courtship,
he dropped the damn ball again
That’s it! He’s getting a pink slip.
Like, for real dude? Come on.
It was an easy fifty-fifty call,
I wouldn’t have pegged ya for
a believer in a Magic Eight-ball!
I know you think I’m being silly
’cause she doesn’t want to be mine,
but I wasted our entire friendship
not to mention both of our time.
She is the one who is missing out,
I’m the best guy she has ever known,
yet I’m alone sitting home blaming God,
for the chance that I have single-handedly blown.
© 2018 Joseph Emerson @ WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com
Joseph Emerson