RSS

Tag Archives: Mental Health

Liebster Award

Image result for Liebster award

Hello again,

I am writing about the Liebster Award today thanks to a nomination from Jeannette over at her site, My Life with PTSD & Bipolar-Mental Heath Matters.   You can find her HERE.

She has an amazing Blog where she writes about Mental Heath topics. Everything from Finding Happiness, depression to Inspirational quotations. Check it out !!!

So without further adieu….

The Official Rules of the Liebster Award 2018

Each blog gets one entry. To enter you must:

  • Link to this blog post in your Liebster Award blog post
  • Answer the questions given to you (if nominated, if you were not nominated you can use my questions)
  • Create more questions for your nominees to answer (I’m looking for unique and creative ones)
  • Comment on this blog post with a link DIRECTLY to your Liebster award. To make it easy for me to read them all.

Entries start 1st Jan 2018 and ends on 25th Dec 2018. The winner will be picked on the 31st of December.

So for the questions Jeannette asked…

Nominee Questions:

  1. 1. If you could pick one thing you are most proud of about your blog, what would it be?

  2. 2. What kinds of self-care tips do you use while writing?

  3. 3. Describe your ideal writing space?

  4. 4. Write a 5 word tagline that you would put on your blog.

  5. 5. What drives you to write a blog on mental health?

  6. 6. What inspired you to blog?

ANSWERS:

  1. The feedback and flattering responses from all the followers that stop in and read … it’s just amazing when it touches someone and reaches out to someone just at the right moment that they needed it.
  2. Breathing and alone time…
  3. I love writing in a quiet comfortable spot.. in bed, or on the couch alone. QUIET… did I mention quiet?
  4. Can you hear me now?
  5. Life.  Therapy.  The desire to help others which in return helps myself.
  6. I just wanted to write somewhere other than a journal.  I was honestly just curious to see if anyone would like what I had to say…

So now with that said.. Here are my questions for the next set of nominees:

  1. Can you recall the moment you realized that writing was your outlet? If so, please share.
  2. What is it about Blogging that you enjoy the most?
  3. If you could hang out with a writer or artist from the past, for a day..  Who? and Why?
  4. The one place in the world that you want to visit but can’t seem to make it happen?
  5. What do you feel is the one thing in this world that your life is missing? What could you do to try and make this possible?

Thanks again Jeannette, this was a bunch of fun! Take care all and enjoy.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on January 20, 2018 in Awards, Mental Health, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Sleep paralysis

Mystifying and cryptic. 

Gloomy and apocalyptic….

 

This is how I envision

the theater in my head,

Feelings of the colors

black, drab and dark red.

Barbed wire around my lungs,

stabbing, restricting as I breath.

Fluid inside my heart turning black,

Boiling vigorously begins to seethe.

 

Dark dressed figures are filing in,

organizing a vast congregation.

Eerily anxiously waiting for,

a humiliating public castration.

Never given an adequate chance

to stand or walk tall,

Beaten down relentlessly

they forced me to crawl.

Similar to being stuck in a dream,

trying to fight but feeling too weak.

Opened my mouth attempting to scream,

only to find I can’t even speak.

 

Escaping to a hot desert scene

where I’m lying on the ground,

longing for a sudden death

as the vultures circle ’round.

I finally awake

as my eyes spring open,

Overwhelming panic

as my body lies frozen.

Cannot move or think

wanting to yell,

ultimate fear comes to life

as I’m stuck in this hell…

 

 

© 2018 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
38 Comments

Posted by on January 14, 2018 in Mental Health, poetry, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Just a year ago…

If you had seen me

Just a year ago,

The boy inside

you wouldn’t know.

The foolish ways

I would act and dress,

Only to “make” you

feel so impressed.

The games I played

the lies I spoke,

So full of shit

I began to choke.

It all began to spill

onto the floor,

I just couldn’t seem

to lie anymore.

I had failed to hide

the hate in me,

the shaking had shown

through anxiety.

My cover was blown

the jig was up,

I was now forced

to say it’s enough.

The tears would start

I wouldn’t know why,

Even when I was mad

I’d start to cry.

The feelings were mixed

the reasons were screwed,

and most would’ve agreed

my views were so skewed.

Fantasies of death

raced through my head,

the smile would grow

as I envisioned me dead.

The voice in my mind

would plead and beg,

I had even playfully jabbed

a knife in my leg.

Just to see

how it would feel,

an orgasmic feeling

of sharpened cold steel.

Pathetically made a list

of the family I’d miss,

as I traced with that blade

the veins in my wrist.

 

So….

If you had seen me

Just a year ago,

The boy inside

You wouldn’t, have wanted to know..

 

 

© 2018 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 

 
15 Comments

Posted by on January 2, 2018 in Mental Health, poetry, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Schizo Blame-Shifting Phrenic

I can only blame myself for what I have done,

despite being easier to point my finger your way.

Don’t you dare judge me, I’m not the only one

that would shamefully bend the words you say.

If we sat down and commenced a game of chess,

I would do anything that it could take to win.

Eventually I would have to get it off my chest,

but only to relieve my foul conscience of sin.

Hello, I am the little voice that lives in your mind,

the reason that you so often feel insane.

However, I am the best friend you’ll come to find,

because now I am the only one you can blame.

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 

 
7 Comments

Posted by on December 10, 2017 in Mental Health, poetry, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Is Doing Nothing a Waste of Time?

The question proposed, Is Doing Nothing a Waste of Time? primarily comes from the matter of feelings. .. .  Allow me to illustrate.

If we DO something, it is usually for the excitement or pleasure that we get out of it, right?  So for example, if you are going for a bike ride, to feel the wind tickle your face and to grasp that childish sensation of freedom … then why would it be any less praiseworthy if, while you were sitting on the porch with your feet up, you were able to bring forth just as much joy into sitting and staring off into space?

I feel that when I sit for a long period of time just thinking and scribbling, I start to introduce a feeling of guilt or shame (usually if it tends to last for days).  Not sure why I feel this way.  I catch myself comparing my actions and hobbies to others around me, or with the things that I used to do to keep myself occupied.  My battle with mental health being that I change so much, so rapidly.  It’s difficult and often downright impossible to keep up.

Maybe I just don’t want to go for a walk.

Maybe I don’t want to go out to dinner.

Maybe I don’t want to clean the basement.

Maybe I don’t want to…… “DO” anything.

I’m more than content hanging out with me in my head for now.  I do not need a distraction to get away from myself… and that is the first time in a long time that I have been able to say that.  There is a possibility that this feeling may only last another five minutes BUT,  It feels great.  I truly love me today…. or at least for right now.  For in this moment, I am okay with Doing Nothing.  So for in this moment the answer is No, it is not a waste of time.

At first this was just a typing rant, not meant to be posted but, hey who cares?  I’m gonna hit the PUBLISH tab anyways… 

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
27 Comments

Posted by on December 10, 2017 in Mental Health, My day, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Toolbox

Minnesota_State_Capitol_Woodworkers_Toolbox_Historical_SocietyThey broke in again last night.  The thoughts and anxiety burst through the exoskeleton I had erected around my emotions, and they were clever enough to see through the impenetrable cloud of Zoloft.   Luckily this time they were not so masterful in stealing anything from me.  Too weak to carry anything off.  Fortunately I was able to stop and consider what my therapist would have said to me, if I had brought this up in discussion… he would say “use your TOOLS to help yourself”

So, I did just that… I dug deep into my toolbox. First I utilized a philips screwdriver to back out and loosen some of the screws, so I wouldn’t feel so tight.  Then I grasped for my ball pein hammer, just to knock a little sense into my noggin’.  Used a coping saw to skillfully remove my heart, as to no longer feel any pain in my chest.  Last but not least gathered some wire strippers and electrical tape to rewire my brain a bit, and put things back into order so that everything was laboring just right.  Tidied up the mess and stood back to applaud my work.  Michelangelo himself would have been self-satisfied to put this masterpiece on exhibit … haha ahh anyways

Thanks Doc.  Your advice and teachings really do help.  Can’t wait till next week, seeing the look on your face when you have learned that I am benefitting from our sessions…

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
3 Comments

Posted by on November 22, 2017 in Mental Health, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Dazed and Amused. The story of my…

dazedandamused

Photo courtesy: Google Images

As the days shrink to nothing more than slivers of light, lasting just long enough to dry the dew from the plastic on my newspaper bundle lying in our rhododendron.  This warm sensation flows over me.  Generating at the top of my head progressing to the backs of my eyes.  Until that feeling converts itself into an uncontrollable tremor throughout my whole being.  I clench my eyes and listen to the thumping of my heart.  Trying to tell myself that I need to breath and slow the thoughts…

Well, we know what this does, right?  This consult sets into motion the mother of all anxiety…                                                                                  PANIC !!!

Trembling, tautness of every muscle, sweating, twitching….   am I holding my breath?

Dizziness, weakness in my knees, tingling in my hands and face….   I had better sit down.

…came to in a daze.

                                                    “Shit, it happened again.”

Sitting on the floor trying to reiterate in my mind the scenario of what just happened.  Completely exhausted I stumble back to my feet and look up at the clock to find that a solid hour has passed and still no real rationalism for what has just happened to me.

Uncontrolled delusional laughter and humiliation, mixed with overwhelming confusion of anything and EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE!

This time too run-down to have another bout of it I fall asleep peacefully

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 18, 2017 in Mental Health

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: