“Why don’t you take an afternoon nap?”
They’re rejuvenating you say?
Except my dreams aren’t cute and fuzzy,
I will gladly illustrate if I may…
I had that dark fantasy again
the one where I wake up on the floor,
awkwardly too weak to run away,
can’t manage to unlatch the door.
Warm, dried blood on my hands,
that sad disheartening feeling
as I just lie there hopelessly
staring up at the bathroom ceiling.
I begin to start with the inquiry
what course led me to end up here?
I know I am the devil who did this,
so I have no right, to shed a tear.
The feeling is just so damn euphoric
unlike any stimulating substance,
something grabs ahold of me instantly
no sense, or presence of reluctance.
Please, it is not a cry for attention,
I assure you it’s no attempt at suicide,
if you recall, just a dream this time
so nothing inside me has died.
Sweaty, frantically I wake up
pure envy and yearning pass by,
my obsession with self-mutilation
by any means, I just can’t seem to deny.
Good night
What's Inside a Madman's Hat? 
Powerful words, but a terrorizing dream! I hope the nightmare ends, and sweeter dreams find your mind…
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Thanks. I hope so too
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Wholly Cow! I sincerely hope that this is purely just a nightmare and not something of what you want to do to yourself????
Superbly written, just very scary. 😧 😨
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Had an issue with it for a while. My girlfriend found out and I talked about it a lot in therapy. I get the urge here and there but have not done it in a long time. It was like my little secret and once it got out it wasn’t as beautiful to me. I know that may sound strange… One of my monsters.
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No, it doesn’t sound strange at all. We all have our own monsters to deal with. I mean… It’s been years for me since I attempted suicide, and I still have it in the back of my mind. (Note: Not that I would act on those thoughts ever again).
Thank goodness for therapy and a great group of friends for support.
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Very true. Thanks for understanding. I do have a weakness to my impulse but I don’t want anyone to find out about it ever again so they easiest way to prevent that is to just never do it again.
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I prefer the impulse of your writing skills… Keep doing that. 🙂 xo!
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👍
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Take care of yourself.
We are the demons we are the monsters and we are the saviours and survivors. We can’t bifurcated feelings.
Just remmeber to take care of yourself.
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Thanks. Will do 👌
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Scary dream and I can relate. It helps to write about it. This was something I have done as well. I became addicted to the behavior unfortunately and have many unappealing scar tattoos to remind me. Thank God those days are done. I will never do it again. I pray you never do it again either. It is an awful dark place to be and visit. Great writing as always. Be well, Sue
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Yeah I talked to therapist and I couldn’t even explain why. It was just an impulse… But one that I still fantasize about. Ugh. Thanks for reading as always. 🤗🎩❤️
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Glad you are blocking and avoiding your impulses. Stay strong and be well.
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👍
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