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Am I am… is I am?

23 May

££££-CHANTELLE HOUGHTON

Here we go with the same old shit

DamnIT, I thought I was done with it,

Tired again, and yet looking for more

From where or for what? I am not sure.

Once again my ideas are cloudy and shaded

my love of everything has somewhat faded,

This manic thinking draws out the stress

there’s no worse feeling than that, of a total mess.

Just when you think everything is all in its place

that neat package of bullshit blows up in your face.

I underestimate how manipulative and strikingly strong

why bother fighting? Much easier to just play along,

The more I try to control those big voices inside

the more they resist, defy and begin to collide.

A complete waste of time, is building a defense

made up of lies and a cocktail of antidepressants,

As much as I attempt to change who I am,

I am reminded that I am, who I am, and that’s all I am really am…. huh?

 

 

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12 responses to “Am I am… is I am?

  1. The Stories in Between

    May 23, 2018 at 8:02 pm

    It’s good to see you back!

    Liked by 1 person

     
  2. pvcann

    May 24, 2018 at 12:17 am

    I know this poem in my bones

    Liked by 1 person

     
  3. Dorinda Duclos

    May 24, 2018 at 1:02 am

    Happy to see you writing! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

     
  4. Nigel P Smith

    May 24, 2018 at 6:35 am

    Good to read your art again Joseph, hope you find some light, however slight, soon.

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • Joseph Emerson

      May 24, 2018 at 6:54 am

      Thanks Nigel. It feels good to write. I just wish the moments to myself were more frequent. I sometimes forget how enjoyable writing is until I’m in the act.

      Like

       
  5. stoner on a rollercoaster

    May 24, 2018 at 8:11 am

    welcome back 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

     
  6. INFP BPD

    June 10, 2018 at 6:33 pm

    Keep writing! Your poems are awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

     

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