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Who wore it better?

25 Mar

A small, gram bag of clarity

I had purchased from a stranger,

gambled on her claim of its purity

a clear and present danger.

A time in my life, I still wouldn’t regret

during which many brain cells were destroyed,

a time of learning and hard taught lessons

I have now rendered, null and void.

Feeling so cloudy I felt the need to use

a substance to unclutter all the shit,

nothing that I’d like to boast about

the amount, I would plainly not admit.

Please, don’t get all righteous on me

and act like you’re any better than I,

for it’s no different than a lonely housewife

chugging a glass, then a bottle of wine!

At least I never got married with children

performing a phony financial and social status,

and I’ll never feel that gut-wrenching guilt

from, drunk-driving my kids to soccer practice.

Same as clean cut, class mom, “Little Suzy”

popping “mothers little helper” on the side,

she can still look all prim and proper, yet

I’m the “junky” because mine was not prescribed?

n-50S-HOUSEWIFE-628x314

 

 

© 2018 Joseph Emerson @ WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 

 

 

 
25 Comments

Posted by on March 25, 2018 in poetry, Uncategorized, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

25 responses to “Who wore it better?

  1. E. Michael Helms, writer

    March 25, 2018 at 12:07 am

    Powerful, Joseph–thanks for sharing!
    –Michael

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • Joseph Emerson

      March 25, 2018 at 12:11 am

      Thanks Michael. I love reflecting on those rough adolescent years. Makes for a good lesson for the ones still stuck in the cycle.

      Liked by 2 people

       
  2. E. Michael Helms, writer

    March 25, 2018 at 12:20 am

    Yep. Never was into drugs, but sure had other demons to contend with. Good stuff; you write from the heart and soul!
    –Michael

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • Joseph Emerson

      March 25, 2018 at 12:25 am

      It’s all about honesty and no sugar coating for me. I feel like if I lie it begins to come together as elementary and transparent. If I lay it all out on the table then it’s “real”. I have heard too many times to “write what you know” I am a big fan of Ginsburg and he just wrote what came to his head and that’s what made him… well, him. lol. I write to get it out of me, and it’s not a true release unless it’s genuine. Thanks again for reading🎩

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • myloudbipolarwhispers

        March 25, 2018 at 2:13 am

        Wow! That was awesome and so accurate. This is important information that more people need to read. I agree with everything you wrote. I understand. I have been there. I was addicted and dependent on drugs. I was addicted to prescribed medications, Klonopin to be exact, prescribed from my P-doc and there is no difference. It is the same thing. After I went off cold turkey a month and a half ago, I went through severe withdrawals and am still feeling adverse effects from Klonopin withdrawal syndrome. It lingers on and comes and goes. It is horrific to say the least. But, I have to keep fighting it. The point is. It is a drug that I loved and still feel like I need. I have a craving for it. It makes me feel better. I would like one right now but I cannot have one. It gave me a little high too. It was good stuff. I loved my Klonopin and I was mad three years ago when a doctor wanted to get me off of it. I never understood why I so strongly did not want to part with my Klonopin. I understand now but I wish I would have known the dangers of Benzos years ago. My doctor never told me and I never questioned it because I loved the stuff and thought it was helping me. Going through what I went through makes me have a huge understanding what substance abusers go through. It makes so much more sense to me. I used to take extra pills because I was addicted not because I was a bad person like my exhusband and everyone else thought. Oops. Sorry. I rambled on. Mostly, wanted to tell you that you wrote an awesome poem. I loved it as always and I understand and you are not a “junkie.” Powerful words though. Thank you for writing it and sharing. Hugs, Sue

        Liked by 2 people

         
      • Joseph Emerson

        March 25, 2018 at 8:05 am

        I have seen a lot in my short little existence. I never messed with “hard stuff” I had seen and heard too many stories, had friends lose their lives, my parent’s friends lost their lives or families. Great people and you would never know they were on anything. Never went near cocaine, heroin… I was never really around it and knew I’d probably like it too much. I liked hallucinogens and pot but mainly I drank a lot. I am now going on 15 months sober and don’t miss any of it. I had a lot of fun and took a lot of chances, so I’ll thank my lucky stars and just use those experiences for writing material. lol. I hope you feel better and the effects subside. It’s not easy and I personally have tons of dreams about taking a drink and wake up pissed off until I realize it didn’t happen. 🤗
        🎩

        Liked by 2 people

         
      • myloudbipolarwhispers

        March 25, 2018 at 11:39 am

        Thank you for sharing. Congratulations on being 15 months sober. That is quite an accomplishment. Keep op the good work and keep the drinking in your dreams. lol You can do it. You gotta a lot of livin’ to do and you will do it well. Hugs, Sue

        Liked by 1 person

         
  3. Bharath Upendra

    March 25, 2018 at 3:01 am

    Substance abuse is rampant everywhere. What’s alarming is, the people who buy are educated and completely sane individuals.

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • Joseph Emerson

      March 25, 2018 at 8:10 am

      Yes. Where I am they call it a heroin epidemic and all law enforcement and safety personnel have to carry around Narcan spray for the opioid anecdote. Sad. Businessmen and families.. it’s sick and it mostly comes from prescription pain pill addictions from doctors.

      Like

       
      • Bharath Upendra

        March 25, 2018 at 8:14 am

        Are you from the US..??

        Liked by 1 person

         
      • Joseph Emerson

        March 25, 2018 at 8:17 am

        Yes. New Jersey.

        Like

         
      • Bharath Upendra

        March 25, 2018 at 8:19 am

        I read about drug abuse in the US. A few friends told me that there are aoy of meth addicts and it’s easy to find. One of my friends is from Atlanta and she told me some scary things.

        Liked by 1 person

         
      • Joseph Emerson

        March 25, 2018 at 8:25 am

        It’s EVERYWHERE. We were reading the local paper one day and in the arrests column two of the drug bust were right in our little town. It’s all hidden behind the facade, nice cars and houses, yards are kept and little do ya know that it’s paid for by getting kids hooked on smack. I heard a lot of the meth is in the south and pushed all over … I honestly have no clue anymore. It’s easier for a kid to get heroin off the street than getting a pack of cigarettes or a 6 pack of beer.

        Like

         
      • Bharath Upendra

        March 25, 2018 at 8:44 am

        True that. Drugs have become an easy find everywhere. But selling them to kids? What kind of human would do that to kids?

        Liked by 1 person

         
      • Joseph Emerson

        March 25, 2018 at 8:50 am

        It’s all over the schools. They’re getting it somewhere….

        Liked by 1 person

         
  4. myloudbipolarwhispers

    March 25, 2018 at 3:07 am

    Reblogged this on My Loud Bipolar Whispers… hope and commented:
    Here is another fabulous poem from Joseph Emerson’s What’s Inside a Madman’s Hat blog. I chose to reblog this one because it has a very powerful and important message. I agree with his message that an addiction is an addiction whether it is prescribed by a doctor or bought on the streets.

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • Joseph Emerson

      March 25, 2018 at 8:11 am

      Thank you so much for passing this piece on. Maybe it’ll touch home for some people. 👌
      🎩

      Liked by 1 person

       
  5. myloudbipolarwhispers

    March 25, 2018 at 3:08 am

    I reblogged this on my blog. Thank you Joseph.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  6. stoner on a rollercoaster

    March 25, 2018 at 4:19 am

    oh God..
    I have seen both the kinds closely. and honestly I fail to decide which one is better or happier or more at peace.
    its like the choice boils down to destroying yourself openly or in silence alone. whatever you chose destruction is all you get.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  7. boundlessblessingsblog

    March 25, 2018 at 8:09 am

    Hmm deep and poignant words Joseph

    Liked by 1 person

     

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