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Up the dosage 💊

Up the dosage,

make it more numb.

Make it so I,

can ghastly overcome.

💊

As my subconscious waves it’s deadly sword

on a collision course toward my mind.

My conscious presence jumps up and down

and hails, airily cheering from the side-line.

🗡

Taunting, screaming, mocking and chanting

I wish to act as if I don’t have any care,

But given the chance to take em’ all on,

Without question… as it is all too much to bear.

🤼‍♂️

As if my mind were not of my own

“Do as we say, and not as you wish”,

Like I was given this body and mind,

only to be trapped in a bowl like a fish

🐟

So, up the dosage

I will soon overcome,

the only way I know how,

by being comfortably numb.

💊

 

© 2018 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
15 Comments

Posted by on January 12, 2018 in Mental Health, poetry, writing

 

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Just a year ago…

If you had seen me

Just a year ago,

The boy inside

you wouldn’t know.

The foolish ways

I would act and dress,

Only to “make” you

feel so impressed.

The games I played

the lies I spoke,

So full of shit

I began to choke.

It all began to spill

onto the floor,

I just couldn’t seem

to lie anymore.

I had failed to hide

the hate in me,

the shaking had shown

through anxiety.

My cover was blown

the jig was up,

I was now forced

to say it’s enough.

The tears would start

I wouldn’t know why,

Even when I was mad

I’d start to cry.

The feelings were mixed

the reasons were screwed,

and most would’ve agreed

my views were so skewed.

Fantasies of death

raced through my head,

the smile would grow

as I envisioned me dead.

The voice in my mind

would plead and beg,

I had even playfully jabbed

a knife in my leg.

Just to see

how it would feel,

an orgasmic feeling

of sharpened cold steel.

Pathetically made a list

of the family I’d miss,

as I traced with that blade

the veins in my wrist.

 

So….

If you had seen me

Just a year ago,

The boy inside

You wouldn’t, have wanted to know..

 

 

© 2018 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 

 
15 Comments

Posted by on January 2, 2018 in Mental Health, poetry, writing

 

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The Lounge Singer. (Turn it to the right..)

The Lounge Singer. (Turn it to the right..)
Singer Dart Finish

Painting by Me

 

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
20 Comments

Posted by on December 20, 2017 in art, Inspiration

 

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Idle hands = Death

Callused hands

from a blistered mind,

in overdrive

working overtime.

So naturally

it comes to me,

like a cruising ship

takes to the sea.

But when it drifts

back to the shore,

brings my biggest fear

of being bored.

Creating images

inside my head,

until the day

I wake up dead.

For if I don’t

my brain gets weak,

looking for comfort

in the drugs I seek.

My sober mind

needs stimulation,

as to be kept from

dark isolation.

So in conclusion

or in summary,

I’ll work my hands

until they bleed…

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
29 Comments

Posted by on December 16, 2017 in Mental Health, poetry, writing

 

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All a Dream…..

you said you feel like when you wake up this will all be a dream

when I look into your eyes well I can see what you mean…

how could this feel so good, in such a short little time

well, give me a little more, and girl I’ll make you mine…..

You bring that, summer feelin’ though it’s months away

just seein’ that smile brings a brighter day….

from a simple “good mornin'”

to a, “how do you do?”.

well even better yet…

I’ll drop an “I miss you.”

(.. and it’s all right…..   it feels just right…..)

I can’t tell if it’s something in the way you move

or the way you look back, as you walk across the room

act like you don’t know what you’re doin’

though you do it so well

if God could only see what I was thinkin’

well he would damn me to hell

You bring that, summer feelin’ though it’s months away

just seein’ that smile brings a brighter day….

from a simple “good mornin'”

to a, “how do you do?”.

well even better yet…

I’ll drop an “I miss you.”

(.. and it’s all right…..   it feels just right…..)

you said you feel like when you wake up this will all be a dream

well it’s not your Broadway play, it’s not the end of my scene

but if you happen to roll over and you find it’s not me..

well than shhh, and try to go back to sleep, we’ll meet in your dreams

You bring that,.. summer feelin’ though it’s months away

just seein’ that smile brings a brighter day….

from a simple “good mornin'”

to a, “how do you do?”.

well even better yet…

I’ll drop an “I love you.”

(.. and it’s all right…..   it feels just right…..

cause’ it’s allll  right…. it feels juuust right….. )

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
8 Comments

Posted by on December 14, 2017 in love, poetry

 

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Set in Stone

20171213_070923.jpg

Painting by Me

“Be buried with me” he asks.  As he explores for something more meaningful than a cliche’ and fail-safe question of will you marry me?  The judgement materialized from a request of a partner in a previous life, a kinship that did not quite end so affably.  “To share a headstone with both our names etched in calligraphy as given to us at birth” he continues as she smiles and cheerfully agrees.

“What better way to show a wonderful life lived together?” he adds.  She then chaperones his notions by adding “The true solidarity of a couples commitment” she says in a mocking but playful, overly theatrical dramatization, as she skips about the dining room resembling a waltz.  “Unlike the pieces of paper of a marriage license that can be torn or set a blaze” he says.  “Or the gold of matching rings that can be melted, bent or tarnished, or taken off for that matter?!” she replies making a frivolous face, jokingly insinuating the idea of infidelity.  He chuckles while stating “A truly profound intimacy that is literally Set in Stone!”  he finishes, as he joins her in her waltzy-like romping and skipping around the room to the absent sound of music.

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 

 
7 Comments

Posted by on December 11, 2017 in love, writing

 

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The Age Ole’ Cat and Mouse Game

We start our excursion

Prowling around

Cautiously tip-toeing

through the labyrinth

Trying to compile info

Establishing a game plan

Not missing a trick

Contemplating fortune

Systematically timing

When to pounce

When to strike

To set in to motion

The carefully methodical

Delicately surgical plan

As the anxiety sets in

Mistrustful of intuitiveness

We sheepishly retreat

Only to spend another

unaccompanied night alone..

 

 

© 2017 Joseph Emerson WhatsInsideAMadmansHat.com

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 11, 2017 in love, poetry, writing

 

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